Captain america the nazizizizi
by JustSomeMoronWithAKeyboard
Summary: A response to Nick Spencer deciding that Captain America should be a Nazi. Rated for language. Co-written by Nick Spencer.
1. Nazizizism

Captain America was sick of freedom and eagles and apple pies so he became a nazizizizizs to deal with his sudden mid-life crisis (life is tough when ur 70 something years old). Tony was like "don't u do it cap" but Cap was like "fuk yuo tony all u ever do all day is build shitty robots in ur shitty tower and ur job is shitty and also Peeper had syphilis so good luck broooo 👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀" tony cried because of his newfound stds and shot himself not because of stds but because he couldn't believe captain America was joining hydra because cap would probably sooner shove a cactus up his ass than join a nazizizizi organization.

So captain America went to red skrull's house and joined his super secret nazizizizizi club blanket fort. There was also madamn hydra and some hydra underlings nobody cares about. Red skrull gave Steeb a bowl of nacho chips and talked about his super awesome mega plan that can't be fooled by anyone™.

"ok time for my super awesome mega plan that can't be fooled by anyone ™" red skrull said shoving a nacho in his nose hole "we kill the joos"

"but I am made by joos" Steeb protesteds because his creators are literally jewish. "What I do"

Red Skrull thought deeply before slapping Steeb across the face. "there I slapped the joo out of u and u are now not joo. Genetics." He explained. It made perfect sense.

"thank u rad skull I can now kill joos without guilt and further soil my creator's legacy and spit on their history" Steeb said sincenrely grabbing a sharpie and redecorating his shield with a swastika. It looked really fucking tacky but w/e it works I guess. "form this day farword I am now…CAPTAIN NAZIZIZI" he proclaimed, pulling out the American flag from his pocket before taking a huge shit on it. But he forgot to take off his pants first so he just ended up shitting his pants.

Meanwhile in avengers tower the avenger (minus tony because he sucided and also minus cap because he is now a nazizizizs) all decided they had to stop steeb and this madness. Bruce banner was mourning his science brow, nat and clint were fucking on the table, and nobody gives a fuck about thor.

Bruce banner was angry and punched nat in her vagina "stop having the sex because captain America is now a nazizizizizs and we have to fix it" nat had a look of shame on her face but clint didn't because he just gots laaaaaaaaaaid.

Also spooderman was there too but he wasn't sure if he was an avenger or not because no1 gave him his membership card.

"we have to do something" thor said being a useless piece of shit.

"Obvs." Nat said rolling her eyes and her hips and her butt. "we have to convince him this is the wrong ting to do. We need to collect memories of the Good Times™."

It was the perfect plan. They all collected memories of the Good Times™ and set out to find captain America or also captain nazizizizizis because he legally changed his name.


	2. Good Times

The avengers all banded together to seek out the Good Times™. They were compiling all the reasons why Captain America would never fucking join Hydra ever. Like the time he kicked Red Skull's ass after he mind controlled his gay friend or the fact that he'd never be a white supremacist because one of his closest, most trusted comrades is a black man or because his best friend was brainwashed by nazizizizizs or the fact that he was part of a minority group due to being irish but w/e facts are unimportant to the great and powerful Nick Spencer (who cowrote this story btw).

But anyway that aside the Avengers gathereds the evidence of all the reasons Cap would never nazizizizizs and also got him a cheeseburger from Good Times™ because Steeb is a true American and real americans enjoy greasy cheeseburgers (if you don't, get the fuck out of here and move to Cananananada, pleb). Spooderman also gave a blowjob to a hotdog befoe they eleft to save Steeb.

Steeb was busy being a nazizizizi piece of shit and doing nazizizizi things like harassing joos on facebook and posting naziziziz porn on Tumblr. Basically he was an internet troll but more racist I guess. He updated his facebook relationship status to "currently fucking rad skull" because Nick Spencer personally asked me to include Red skrull/Cap because that is his OTP.

Steeb seductively made out with Red Skool's nose hole and comtemplated puttig his penis in it before the Avengers broke into his house.

"Steeb we have cum to remind you of the Good Times™ and why you shouldn't be a fucking nazi god damn it" Black Widow said in a sexy but also pissed off voice. "We also got you a cheeseburger because we thought u would be hungry"

"I can't eat cheeeseburgies now." Steeb said, turning away from them dramatically. "I am a naziziziz now. I only eat a diet of misery, racism and Uncle Ben's White Rice"

"UNCLE BEN" Spooderman sobbed, going into a state of depression cause he still blamed himself for the untimely death of his uncle. He was also upset that Steeb wouldn't share his fucking rice with him cause he was a selfish bitchface.

Thor stood around uselessly during spooderman's breakdown because he never does anything of use and bruce banner gave cap an angry look because ha ha u wouldn't like him when he's angry. Jokes. But he didn't turn into the hulk because I don't want him to right now.

"I may not be a certified doctor but I have a phd in kicking your ass." Bruce bananaer declared before punching Cap in the face. It hurt him but it didn't really do much because the serum probably converted Steeb's skin to solid concrete so Bruce just hurt his hand. And then he becames the hulk.

Hulk was about to pound him into next Sunday (both physically and sexually) but Hawkeye just shot Cap in the knees, shrugging. Hulk was irritated that he didn't get to smash so he punched cap in his nazizizizi face and transfarmed back into bruce. They al took Cap back to the tower to dicuss what they should do with him to save him from nazizizizism and also drugs are bad.


	3. the SHits

"This is some motherfucking bullshit right here." Nick Fury said to the Avengers. "First Tony suicides and then Steeb becomes the nazizizizis." He was annoyed. So annoyed that he looked even less happy than usual. And Nick Fury was never happy. Unless he was drunk but that only happens in Las Vegas.

"I can't believe it myself." Black Widow said wearing a bikini for no reason other than fanservice. "And neither could tony. That's why he suicideded" she said with a frown, missing her friend dearly. She weres conflited. Should she hate Steeb for tony's suicides? After all, if he never became the nazizizizzizizizis, tony would still be here. Until she realized that no, it wasn't steeb's fault. It was that guy Nick Spencer who did this! Suddenly taking off, she took a cab to (insert Nick Spencer's place of residence here). He had better talk fast or there would be hell to pay. Literally. She would summon the devil if it would avenge Tony's death.

Natisha broke down the door to Nick Spencer's afartment to kick ass and chew bubblegum even though she doesn't personally enjoy bubblegum and prefers tic tacs. Nick Spencer was there, jacking off to anime girls dressed as Nazizizizizis and particularly a photo of Adolf Hitler. He stopped the second he witnessed Nat arriving.

"Oh hello. Heil hitler." He said, giving her a salute. She noticed that his house was decorated with many nazizizizizi-esque decorations.

"Cut the shit, Nick." Nat growled, clearly upset. "You made my friend a nazizizizizizis, you caused my other friend to kill himself, and you made Spooderman cry. That I cannot forgive and for that you must die." She declared, kicking Nick Spencer in his balls. It wasn't actually effective because that just turned him on.

Nick Spencer personally asked me to write a part in this chapter where Natasha shits on him so I decided that since he is such a good friend of mine I would comply and write for his fetish.

Nastasa pulled a bean burrito out of her cleavage and ate it. It quickly gave her a bad case of the shits so she shat all over Nick Spencer making his little Nick go hard. They were roleplaying. Natasha was a freedom fighter and Nick Spencer was a douche. Then again it couldn't really be considered roleplaying if he was just being himself.

Little did Nick know that Natasha was posting all of this on twitter in hopes that Cap would be convinced that a man that ejaculates prematurely isn't worth following, and that he would give up the nazizizi life. Nick Spencer noticed this at the very last moment but was turned on because he's a real freak if you know what I mean and he came again. Natasha rolled her eyes and throwed some serotonin at his head even htough he was beyond helping.

Captain America woke up in a hospital bed at SHIELD HQ. He wasn't sure what was going on but everything seamed different somehow. "Something is not right…evil is a foot"


End file.
